Back hook kick Taekwondo.

Aim to head. With knees bended, follow through and complete bending knees at the end (often point of impact. This is a short but precise kick. Good for sparring.

Excuses for cheating

But Then Again
By MARY SCHNEIDER

There may be 17 reasons for indulging in an affair but they don’t count in a marriage.

A GOOD friend who has been having an affair with a married man for six years called me in despair the other day.

“I think the @#$%^*& is cheating on me,” she said.

I tried to think of a response more sympathetic than the one on the tip of my tongue: “Like, duh! What do you expect?”

But as it turned out, I wasn’t given a chance to respond immediately.

“How could he do this to me?” she continued. “I thought we had a good relationship.”

“How can an affair be considered a good relationship?” I wanted to say, but she’d already second-guessed my response.

“We’ve been together for six years now. Doesn’t that count for anything? This isn’t just a fling,” she said, in an attempt to rationalise her behaviour all these years.

“What makes you think he’s cheating on you?” I said.

“I saw an e-mail he wrote to another woman.”

“How did you manage to see that?”

“I know the password to his e-mail account.”

I don’t know about you, but accessing someone’s e-mail account without their consent is a sure sign that you don’t trust that person.

“Did you confront him about it?”

“Yes. But he said I misinterpreted his playfulness.”

Then my friend asked me the one question I never want to hear when someone is having relationship problems.

“What do you think I should do?”

“Dump the #$@*%!” I wanted to say, but didn’t. Experience has taught me that couples who split up can sometimes get back together. And all the unflattering things that I might have said about the no-good, cheating, louse could come back to haunt me.

Then, just as I was telling my friend that she deserved better than having to sneak around, she gave out an almighty shriek.

“Oh, My God, he’s at my front door,” she said, sounding suddenly all excited. “I must look a real mess. Sorry, gotta run.”

Although I was brought up during a time when “good” people just didn’t have affairs, I try not to judge my friend. But I do wonder why an intelligent, vivacious woman would take this route.

Of course, as most people might be quick to point out, today’s moral and ethical landscape is vastly different from that of my childhood – when women who had affairs were often marginalised from mainstream society. But I didn’t realise how much things have really changed, until I discovered a book called When Good People Have Affairs by Mira Kirshenbaum.

Kirshenbaum writes pragmatically about the 17 reasons that people have for cheating on their spouse, whether it be a one-night stand or a long-term fling. Reasons that are not always selfish or immoral – at least, that’s her argument.

So, just to satisfy your curiosity, here are the 17 valid reasons for cheating:

> Break out into selfhood (so you can be and express yourself – painting might also help).

> Accidental (crashing into a tree is usually accidental, or breaking a glass, but never sex. Unless, of course, you get so drunk that you can’t tell the difference between your partner and your next-door neighbour).

> Sexual panic (to prove that you are still sexually capable – as if you can’t prove that with your partner).

> Let’s kill this relationship (and see if it comes back to life).

> Mid-marriage crisis (will add sparkle to a stale or problematic marriage).

> Trading up (when you’ve “moved on” but your spouse hasn’t – note: spouses should not be upgraded like cars or houses).

> Heating up your marriage (the fear of being found out will add more spice to your marriage).

< I just needed to indulge myself (shades of Bill Clinton).

> Ejector seat (either your spouse will kick you out or your lover will give you the courage to quit).

> See if (see if what you’ve been missing in your marriage can be found elsewhere).

> Distraction (will make you forget life’s difficulties – a game of Monopoly or a glass of wine might also do the trick).

> Surrogate therapy (will help you overcome feelings of inadequacy, frustration, etc – a shrink might also help).

> Do I still have it? (sounds like sexual panic).

> Having an experience I missed out on (there’s always bungee jumping, or origami, or trekking in Nepal to consider).

> Revenge (creepy).

> Midlife crisis (sounds like sexual panic again).

> Unmet needs (what happened to unmet commitments?).

My advice to anyone contemplating an affair?

Either you’re married or you’re not. There’s nothing in between.

sourced: TheStar Online

Sunday October 18, 2009

30 lost years

AFTER reading the letters from Desperate Wife (No sex, no marriage, Heart & Soul, Dear Thelma, StarMag, Sept 27) and Desperate-Turned-Happy Wife (No sex but not desperate, Vestibule, StarMag, Oct 4), I wish to share my experience.

After 30 years of marriage, my spouse left me and our children, saying that her duties as a wife and mother were over. She left when we needed her most. She thought new-found freedom in the outside world would be hers when she left her responsibilities.

Throughout our marriage we seldom fought and almost always had the same ideas and interests. I used to pamper her by serving her coffee in bed, feeding her with my hands, and taking her for holidays abroad. I never failed to kiss her before leaving for work. And I always gave her freedom, trusted her and respected her privacy.

All my dreams were shattered when, a few years ago, she walked out of my bedroom saying that the children were all adults and sex was not important anymore. I was 45 then and she, 40.

She even instigated me by saying that I was free to have sex outside if I thought it was important. From then on she prevented me from being physical with her.

Yet I still loved her, cared for her and took her for holidays. Strangely, she would be angry if I ever spoke to or had anything to do with other women.

I tolerated her behaviour, just for the sake of the family. But one day, I caught her with a man 15 years her junior.

When I confronted them, she openly said she was not interested in me anymore and had decided to leave me for him. She also accused me of having other girls because we had not had sex for years.

The problem was her making but she blamed it on me. Finally, I had to let her go, so as to make her realise her mistakes.

Today she is out there without a home and family; her boyfriend abandoned her when he found out that she was broke.

I’ve lost 30 years of family life but today I am happier because she is not here to interfere in my life. We have being divorced for three years.

I really feel sad for the children but life has to go on. They’re living with me. I feel sad for my ex-wife but I can never take her back because she has hurt me very much.

Sad husband

TaeKwondo kicks

Sunday October 11, 2009

Healthy eating for cancer survivors

NUTRI SCENE
By DR TEE E SIONG

After treatment, cancer survivors should follow recommendations for cancer prevention.

DIET-related chronic diseases have now become significant causes of death in many countries, including the developing world. Cancer is one such chronic disease. In many of its forms, cancer is a disease that can cause great suffering and claims many lives.

However, cancer is not an inevitable consequence of ageing, and people’s susceptibility to it varies. There is abundant evidence that food and nutrition, physical activity, and body composition are individually and collectively important modifiers of the risk of cancer. This does indeed mean that at least in principle, most cancer is preventable.

Recognising this, I have highlighted the prevention of cancer, especially through appropriate food and nutrition practices, in a series of NutriScene write-ups over the past year. I had relied on recommendations contained in the World Cancer Research Fund (WCRF) expert report on Food, Nutrition, Physical Activity and the Prevention of Cancer released in November 2007 (www.dietandcancerreport.org/). In addition, I had also relied on the Hong Kong WCRF recommendations for cancer prevention booklet (www.wcrf-hk.org/).

I had highlighted eight general recommendations and one special recommendation of the WCRF report in previous write-ups. All these recommendations dealt with lowering risk and prevention of cancer.

In this article, I will discuss the last of this series of recommendations. This recommendation does not deal with prevention of cancer, but focuses on healthy eating for cancer survivors. I find this an extremely important topic to highlight. There is a great deal of misconception regarding the dietary and nutritional needs of cancer patients and survivors.

Healthy eating is vital for cancer survivors

Cancer survivors are people who are living with a diagnosis of cancer, including those who have recovered from the disease.

Treatment for many cancers is increasingly successful, and so there are many more cancer survivors. Furthermore, cancer survivors are living longer and may live long enough to develop new primary cancers or other chronic diseases. It is therefore extremely important for cancer survivors to adopt appropriate healthy eating practices and an active lifestyle.

There are just too many people out there providing nutrition advice, some of which are really dubious, and others can even be harmful. There are patients who tell me they are afraid of drinking milk or taking eggs as these will make the cancer cells multiply even faster. There are others who eat only fruits and vegetables because they believe they are healthy foods. Such myths about food and nutrients can result in the cancer survivor not obtaining much needed nutrients.

There are also promotions for dubious products that supposedly can “treat” cancers. These include various antioxidant supplements that are supposed to be able to kill cancer cells. It will be very sad indeed if patients forgo conventional medical treatment and dietary advice for such products or practices.

WCRF recommendation for cancer survivors

Upon reviewing all available evidence, the WCRF expert panel concluded that:

·There is growing evidence that physical activity and other measures that help us maintain a healthy weight, such as a balanced diet, may help to prevent cancer recurrence, particularly for breast cancer.

·However, the evidence is not yet clear enough to be able to make any specific recommendations for cancer survivors as a whole, or for those who are survivors of any specific form of cancer.

·The recommendations can also reduce the risk of other chronic diseases like heart disease and diabetes, so they can be beneficial to cancer survivors for this reason.

Anyone who has received a diagnosis of cancer should receive specialist nutritional advice from an appropriately trained health professional. This includes all cancer survivors, before, during, and after active treatment.

Once treatment has been completed, if the person is able to do so (and unless otherwise advised by a qualified professional), aim to follow the cancer prevention recommendations for diet, healthy weight maintenance, and physical activity. These recommendations have been highlighted in previous articles here. I will summarise these recommendations in the next section.

The above recommendations are generally appropriate, but may not be applicable for specific groups, e.g. people who are currently undergoing treatment for cancer. These patients are likely to have special nutritional requirements. In these cases, it is best to ask an appropriately trained health professional (e.g. a dietitian or a doctor) for advice. This is also true for cancer survivors whose treatment have affected their ability to eat or digest some foods – for example, patients who have undergone a gastrectomy (partial or full surgical removal of the stomach) or a colostomy (a surgical procedure that involves connecting a part of the colon onto the anterior abdominal wall, leaving the patient with an opening on the abdomen called a stoma).

Healthy eating and active living for cancer prevention (and cancer survivors)

Recommendation 1: Be as lean as possible within the normal range of body weight.

·Ensure that body weight through childhood and adolescence growth projects towards the lower end of the normal BMI range at age 21.

·Maintain body weight within the normal range from age 21.

·Avoid weight gain and increases in waist circumference throughout adulthood.

Recommendation 2: Be physically active as part of everyday life.

·Be moderately physically active, equivalent to brisk walking, for at least 30 minutes every day. Brisk walking can be incorporated in occupational, transport, household, or leisure activities.

·As fitness improves, aim for 60 minutes or more of moderate, or for 30 minutes or more of vigorous, physical activity every day.

·Limit sedentary habits such as watching television.

Recommendation 3: Limit consumption of energy-dense foods and sugary drinks that promote weight gain.

·Consume energy-dense foods (more than about 225–275kcal per 100 g) sparingly

·Avoid sugary drinks (i.e. drinks with added sugars)

·Consume “fast foods” sparingly, if at all (The term “fast foods” refers to readily available convenience foods that tend to be energy-dense and consumed frequently and in large portions).

Recommendation 4: Eat mostly foods of plant origin.

·Eat at least five portions/servings (at least 400g) of a variety of non-starchy vegetables and fruits of different colours every day.

·Eat relatively unprocessed cereals (grains) and/or pulses (legumes) with every meal.

·Limit refined starchy foods.

·People who consume starchy roots or tubers as staples need to ensure intake of sufficient non-starchy vegetables, fruits, and pulses (legumes).

Recommendation 5: Limit intake of red meat and avoid processed meat.

·People who eat red meat should consume less than 500g a week, very little if any to be processed. (Note: Red meat refers to beef, pork, lamb, and mutton from domesticated animals, including that contained in processed foods; processed meat refers to meat preserved by smoking, curing or salting, or the addition of chemical preservatives, including that contained in processed foods.)

Recommendation 6: Limit alcoholic drinks

·If alcoholic drinks are consumed, limit consumption to no more than two drinks a day for men and one drink a day for women.

·Children and pregnant women should not consume alcoholic drinks.

Recommendation 7: Limit consumption of salt and avoid mouldy cereals (grains) or pulses (legumes).

·Avoid salt-preserved, salted, or salty foods; preserve foods without using salt.

·Limit consumption of processed foods with added salt to ensure an intake of less than 6g (2.4g sodium) a day.

·Do not eat mouldy cereals (grains) or pulses (legumes).

Recommendation 8: Aim to meet nutritional needs through diet alone.

·Dietary supplements are not recommended for cancer prevention.

Cancer survivors should pay attention to meeting their nutritional needs. There are no secret recipes or magic formulas for cancer survivors. They need not rely on expensive products and practices to stay healthy after completing the required treatments.

Healthy eating and active living recommendations for the prevention of cancers are generally applicable for survivors too. Seek help from an appropriately trained health professional.

NutriScene is a fortnightly column by Dr Tee E Siong, who pens his thoughts as a nutritionist with over 30 years of experience in the research and public health arena. For further information, e-mail starhealth@thestar.com.my.

Furry Friends Farm 6.10.09