sourced: TheStar Online

Sunday October 18, 2009

30 lost years

AFTER reading the letters from Desperate Wife (No sex, no marriage, Heart & Soul, Dear Thelma, StarMag, Sept 27) and Desperate-Turned-Happy Wife (No sex but not desperate, Vestibule, StarMag, Oct 4), I wish to share my experience.

After 30 years of marriage, my spouse left me and our children, saying that her duties as a wife and mother were over. She left when we needed her most. She thought new-found freedom in the outside world would be hers when she left her responsibilities.

Throughout our marriage we seldom fought and almost always had the same ideas and interests. I used to pamper her by serving her coffee in bed, feeding her with my hands, and taking her for holidays abroad. I never failed to kiss her before leaving for work. And I always gave her freedom, trusted her and respected her privacy.

All my dreams were shattered when, a few years ago, she walked out of my bedroom saying that the children were all adults and sex was not important anymore. I was 45 then and she, 40.

She even instigated me by saying that I was free to have sex outside if I thought it was important. From then on she prevented me from being physical with her.

Yet I still loved her, cared for her and took her for holidays. Strangely, she would be angry if I ever spoke to or had anything to do with other women.

I tolerated her behaviour, just for the sake of the family. But one day, I caught her with a man 15 years her junior.

When I confronted them, she openly said she was not interested in me anymore and had decided to leave me for him. She also accused me of having other girls because we had not had sex for years.

The problem was her making but she blamed it on me. Finally, I had to let her go, so as to make her realise her mistakes.

Today she is out there without a home and family; her boyfriend abandoned her when he found out that she was broke.

I’ve lost 30 years of family life but today I am happier because she is not here to interfere in my life. We have being divorced for three years.

I really feel sad for the children but life has to go on. They’re living with me. I feel sad for my ex-wife but I can never take her back because she has hurt me very much.

Sad husband